so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
