you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
