I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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