i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
