We named our party play list daddy issues
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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