There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
