So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
