Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
