The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
