thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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