i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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