i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
