found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
