He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
