laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
