your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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