singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
