Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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