My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
