Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
