I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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