My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
