Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
