Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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