I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
