Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
