Define "chronic" masturbator.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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