You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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