I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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