....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
