Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
