My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
