Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
