her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
