Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
