I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
