if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
