Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
