Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize