Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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