how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
