I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
