I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
