my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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