My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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