I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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