She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
