I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
