East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
