Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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