I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
