genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
