yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
