Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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