just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
