i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
