i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
