Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!

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(619): View more from California

my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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(507): View more from Minnesota

THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..

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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt

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(765): View more from Indiana

I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.

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(310): View more from California

I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.

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