Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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