ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
