Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
