i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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