Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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