even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
