i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
